A personal testimony of self-empowerment
Several years ago I was completely burnt out at work, and then broke my ankle. My world was beating me down, I thought, and I didn't like the experience. What my world was telling me was change was in good order, and it was time I stopped working, sat a spell, and focused on an ankle. I made a transition in my life from frustration to a completely different sort of visionary outlook, based upon the foundation of talents I held inside. Further, I began to understand the meaning of "walking through a portal," even as I could hardly walk at all at the time.
I decided to take a job in the ER. I had great foundational skills having served in ICU/CCU, took care of heart transplant patients, and more. Yet, I wasn't a pediatric nurse, and my skills in orthopedics were definitely rusty.
Yet, nothing ventured, nothing gained. And when my ankle began to heal, I was just so happy I could walk on my own two feet again, I was ready for the change.
I studied, I learned. I wanted to be the best I could.
Yet, I found the ER frustrating, the relationships hazy, the crazyness well apparent, and I didn't know what to do. So I battled inside for a while. Unfortunately, during that time was when I made the serious mistake of a relationship whereby my love partner found doing battle, and grievous thinking, finding the world was terribly wrong and needed correction, a mainstay in his life, and so, the "battle-syndrome" seemed to generalize everywhere into my life. My own projected thinking was drawing towards me exactly what I asked for.
After that fiasco, I did some thinking. And I had some loving friends and family, who were listening. Much Gratitude there.
I began to think of my life in the ER as being where I should be. After all I was placed there for good reason and sense, as I had been asking for a complete change in my nursing career. But the middle of the ER, I thought? And all these confrontational relationships? What??? "I want to work in a frame shop," I thought, and "get out of this altogether."
I then began to think in terms that my role in the ER was about *me.* I was to use this experience in close introspective experience, and ask questions, constantly, of Jesus, as he directed me to right-mindedness.
Every confrontational relationship I had I began to think, "What is this For?" What about *me* is this telling? What outcome do I seek? What past thinking is this relationship bringing to Light?" And so it began from there, an honest, clear, and steadfast, daily, if not hourly, decision to truly understand my own personal spiritual evolution, and what I needed to learn.
It worked. Some of the answers were simple. As in: "If no one wants to accept your report after 12 hours, continue to work." Seems easy enough, yet, initially, my ego wanted to get out on time, for fear of being tired the next day with all my then consuming tasks (that all changed, too).
What I found in this daily, ongoing practice, whereby I switched my thinking from being a doormat, a kick me sign, to being of service to myself, ultimately resulted in better service to everyone else, and my world began to reflect back to me a level of respect I didn't expect in return. Oh, I thought I'd become more satisfied, but recognition for my decision? Well, I hadn't considered that.
I received several large raises, which nearly tripled my income. I actually began to see the light in the eyes of those who I found were "unfair" and "injust," and found myself developing friendships. And I found great self-fulfillment in my work, due to the fact I broke the boundaries in my mind, crawled out of that box, as to the response I was giving on the job in regards to my limited definition of what I would and would not tolerate. On receiving direction from Jesus, towards the thoughts of right-mindedness, my on the job working experience changed dramatically. And I asked *nothing* of anyone else. This was all about my own personal, working, interpersonal peer relationships, and decision for more intensive forgiveness in regards to patients and their familys.
The first year wasn't easy. I considered it "sacrifice," but actually I was sacrificing nothing, yet gaining everything. I stayed out of the drama, yet offered utmost respect to those who found games and manipulation heralded their way of thinking. I didn't confirm what they were doing, but I didn't allow it to interfere in the work of service I was performing, and I got off this feeling that I should have meal breaks, get out on time, and blah, blah, blah. I gave it to God, and am still healthy and alive.
I let all my standards of a decent working relationship with my employer go. I let all my preconceived notions as to what my co-workers were about go. I let all my past thinking as to what nursing was about go.
And what occurred, was a peace in my heart, which replaced all egotistical wish for personal on the job "victory," and a willingness and Strength from somewhere else from something else to Do more. To effectively be what I wanted to be, a damned good ER nurse.
I don't tolerate abuse. However, I also don't get involved with the dramas, which are the feed for abuse. I take my work seriously, and am studying for my national certification. And I have a lot of joy and happiness, laughter and fun, at work. I also get tired sometimes, and am working on ways in which to increase my energy, and potential, to accept Strength from God.
I needed to shine. I needed to polish all the foundational tools I had for the tasks assigned. I needed to be a more willing individual. I needed to allow my talents to flow, unobstructed by the dramas, and attention seekers, on stage in the ER. I needed to allow feeling and emotion to rule my way, in contrast to logical and intellectual thinking, which simply got in the way. These were the fundamentals of my transition. And they were all about *me.*
Last week I was offered, out of the blue, a position in the ER, which pleases me. My hours will change. No more late night work. And I will continue to do what I do, yet, within me, I know I have grown. I have made good friendships with the people I felt were indignant to me, and I have earned their respect.
The generalization Now, as opposed to the past "battle-syndrome," which I attracted quite acutely, is Love. Living in the Now, I learned, wasn't about denying the past, it was about accepting all that I said and did, and being desirous of transformation. It did matter what my past was, because only on this recognition, could my present change. And I needed Jesus in that corrective process, and I found he was there for me. The transmutation of the present doesn't occur, unless I am willing to look upon the past, and bring it to Light for the process Jesus clearly teaches.
I love my work now, every minute. So much so I work a lot of overtime. And my source of Joy is oftentimes with those who I once found to be contrary to what I felt was of human decency.
Last night, I had a patient who was a near code. When I declared, "Get the code cart!" several of my peers appeared. I saw the group work, I saw the unified presence, I saw the family in grief, wondering what they had done "wrong." And I saw the Vision of a group of beings wanting to allow Goodness to be expressed, and my patient survived, woke up, and opened her eyes.
Later, I made the decision to be a Teacher of God, and this has had the same outcomes in my personal life, as did my response in my working environment. And I am going to continue in this direction. David Fishman is using my work on my blog for teaching purposes with his following. Now that's a confirmation I find most pleasing, and validates I am walking a pathway of more meaningful life experience. I find validation effectual for one another, as we make choices, and look upon our world for signposts along the way. And there is nothing like an affirmative response from someone I respect that challenges me to do more, and better. And I will.
Life I have found isn't about living under a rock. Humility isn't about denying yourSelf. Humbleness isn't about pretending to be 'quietly spiritual', because happiness and Joy leading to elation is seen as something less than worthy. Authenticity isn't about wanting to intervene in the world; it is about a courageous willingness for change within. And strength has little to do with what the ego can muster; it is about a direct relationship with God.
Overall, It was all about *me.* And I found I work with a group of people, who given the opportunity to see what I am capable, now consider me a worthy, and well respected, member of the team. Upcoming, one of the doctors is joining us in having some fun. Amazing, no, miraculous.
Jeanette
one who walks
I decided to take a job in the ER. I had great foundational skills having served in ICU/CCU, took care of heart transplant patients, and more. Yet, I wasn't a pediatric nurse, and my skills in orthopedics were definitely rusty.
Yet, nothing ventured, nothing gained. And when my ankle began to heal, I was just so happy I could walk on my own two feet again, I was ready for the change.
I studied, I learned. I wanted to be the best I could.
Yet, I found the ER frustrating, the relationships hazy, the crazyness well apparent, and I didn't know what to do. So I battled inside for a while. Unfortunately, during that time was when I made the serious mistake of a relationship whereby my love partner found doing battle, and grievous thinking, finding the world was terribly wrong and needed correction, a mainstay in his life, and so, the "battle-syndrome" seemed to generalize everywhere into my life. My own projected thinking was drawing towards me exactly what I asked for.
After that fiasco, I did some thinking. And I had some loving friends and family, who were listening. Much Gratitude there.
I began to think of my life in the ER as being where I should be. After all I was placed there for good reason and sense, as I had been asking for a complete change in my nursing career. But the middle of the ER, I thought? And all these confrontational relationships? What??? "I want to work in a frame shop," I thought, and "get out of this altogether."
I then began to think in terms that my role in the ER was about *me.* I was to use this experience in close introspective experience, and ask questions, constantly, of Jesus, as he directed me to right-mindedness.
Every confrontational relationship I had I began to think, "What is this For?" What about *me* is this telling? What outcome do I seek? What past thinking is this relationship bringing to Light?" And so it began from there, an honest, clear, and steadfast, daily, if not hourly, decision to truly understand my own personal spiritual evolution, and what I needed to learn.
It worked. Some of the answers were simple. As in: "If no one wants to accept your report after 12 hours, continue to work." Seems easy enough, yet, initially, my ego wanted to get out on time, for fear of being tired the next day with all my then consuming tasks (that all changed, too).
What I found in this daily, ongoing practice, whereby I switched my thinking from being a doormat, a kick me sign, to being of service to myself, ultimately resulted in better service to everyone else, and my world began to reflect back to me a level of respect I didn't expect in return. Oh, I thought I'd become more satisfied, but recognition for my decision? Well, I hadn't considered that.
I received several large raises, which nearly tripled my income. I actually began to see the light in the eyes of those who I found were "unfair" and "injust," and found myself developing friendships. And I found great self-fulfillment in my work, due to the fact I broke the boundaries in my mind, crawled out of that box, as to the response I was giving on the job in regards to my limited definition of what I would and would not tolerate. On receiving direction from Jesus, towards the thoughts of right-mindedness, my on the job working experience changed dramatically. And I asked *nothing* of anyone else. This was all about my own personal, working, interpersonal peer relationships, and decision for more intensive forgiveness in regards to patients and their familys.
The first year wasn't easy. I considered it "sacrifice," but actually I was sacrificing nothing, yet gaining everything. I stayed out of the drama, yet offered utmost respect to those who found games and manipulation heralded their way of thinking. I didn't confirm what they were doing, but I didn't allow it to interfere in the work of service I was performing, and I got off this feeling that I should have meal breaks, get out on time, and blah, blah, blah. I gave it to God, and am still healthy and alive.
I let all my standards of a decent working relationship with my employer go. I let all my preconceived notions as to what my co-workers were about go. I let all my past thinking as to what nursing was about go.
And what occurred, was a peace in my heart, which replaced all egotistical wish for personal on the job "victory," and a willingness and Strength from somewhere else from something else to Do more. To effectively be what I wanted to be, a damned good ER nurse.
I don't tolerate abuse. However, I also don't get involved with the dramas, which are the feed for abuse. I take my work seriously, and am studying for my national certification. And I have a lot of joy and happiness, laughter and fun, at work. I also get tired sometimes, and am working on ways in which to increase my energy, and potential, to accept Strength from God.
I needed to shine. I needed to polish all the foundational tools I had for the tasks assigned. I needed to be a more willing individual. I needed to allow my talents to flow, unobstructed by the dramas, and attention seekers, on stage in the ER. I needed to allow feeling and emotion to rule my way, in contrast to logical and intellectual thinking, which simply got in the way. These were the fundamentals of my transition. And they were all about *me.*
Last week I was offered, out of the blue, a position in the ER, which pleases me. My hours will change. No more late night work. And I will continue to do what I do, yet, within me, I know I have grown. I have made good friendships with the people I felt were indignant to me, and I have earned their respect.
The generalization Now, as opposed to the past "battle-syndrome," which I attracted quite acutely, is Love. Living in the Now, I learned, wasn't about denying the past, it was about accepting all that I said and did, and being desirous of transformation. It did matter what my past was, because only on this recognition, could my present change. And I needed Jesus in that corrective process, and I found he was there for me. The transmutation of the present doesn't occur, unless I am willing to look upon the past, and bring it to Light for the process Jesus clearly teaches.
I love my work now, every minute. So much so I work a lot of overtime. And my source of Joy is oftentimes with those who I once found to be contrary to what I felt was of human decency.
Last night, I had a patient who was a near code. When I declared, "Get the code cart!" several of my peers appeared. I saw the group work, I saw the unified presence, I saw the family in grief, wondering what they had done "wrong." And I saw the Vision of a group of beings wanting to allow Goodness to be expressed, and my patient survived, woke up, and opened her eyes.
Later, I made the decision to be a Teacher of God, and this has had the same outcomes in my personal life, as did my response in my working environment. And I am going to continue in this direction. David Fishman is using my work on my blog for teaching purposes with his following. Now that's a confirmation I find most pleasing, and validates I am walking a pathway of more meaningful life experience. I find validation effectual for one another, as we make choices, and look upon our world for signposts along the way. And there is nothing like an affirmative response from someone I respect that challenges me to do more, and better. And I will.
Life I have found isn't about living under a rock. Humility isn't about denying yourSelf. Humbleness isn't about pretending to be 'quietly spiritual', because happiness and Joy leading to elation is seen as something less than worthy. Authenticity isn't about wanting to intervene in the world; it is about a courageous willingness for change within. And strength has little to do with what the ego can muster; it is about a direct relationship with God.
Overall, It was all about *me.* And I found I work with a group of people, who given the opportunity to see what I am capable, now consider me a worthy, and well respected, member of the team. Upcoming, one of the doctors is joining us in having some fun. Amazing, no, miraculous.
Jeanette
one who walks
posted by Jenny at 1:11 PM
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